I am sure no one has noticed my lack of Facebooking and tweeting this week it’s only been a couple of days though it feels like a month to me. But I have been feeling so ill and so sorry for myself that I haven’t even had the energy to update Facebook or to Tweet! Let alone write a blog piece!
I have now been ill with a throat infection and a rather nasty ulcer for nearly two weeks now. The first week slowed me down and made me feel miserable and had the effect on me reflecting lots about my life and my footstep on the world that I live in. Which gave me a few resolves to do things better in the future.
But by the weekend I wasn’t feeling any better despite a visit to the Doctor in the first week. I usually try to avoid the doctor at all costs. Not because I don’t like my Doctor I am very fond of the family doctor but because I have a theory that you are never given anything till at least week two of an illness (which I never usually get to) and you never know what you are going to pick while you are sitting in the waiting room! You can often get two illnesses for the price of one! So it shows how ill I was feeling to go to the doctor in the first place. I realised I was ill when I did get medicine during this visit lots of throat spray. A rare occurance by the particular Doctor I saw who never gives out medicine. Unfortunately by the weekend this throat spray was not making any difference at all. And after a number of sleepless nights I decided that enough was enough and Sunday saw me at our local Borders General Hospital at NHS 24. My daughter who accompanied me was greatly amused to find out that my throat ulcer was very nasty indeed yes a right nasty one but less amused to see the inside of my throat and declared she is never working in medicine now. I was given very strong pain killers and sent off with even more throat spray and lots of advice of taking care to rest. Not a problem as the new painkillers succeeded where many have failed in making me totally incapable of talking and indeed of doing very much indeed! So much for giving up alcohol for lent! Must admit felt more drunk and out of control than I have ever done on a glass of wine. Sunday to Wednesday morning was a bit of a blur! By Wednesday lunchtime I called the doctor again to discover how long this level of pain relief was required or if I could come back down to earth again instead of floating somewhere above it. The doctor said I could indeed lay of the strong painkillers but advised that I needed to take things easy as it was a bad ulcer which was a sign of being run down and or stress! So the message was crawl before you can walk or run. As someone who usually runs at full pelt being told to do nothing is really hard. Physically my body wanted to crawl but mentally my mind was rebelling against it and guilt was flooding in about failure in my various roles of life.
Yesterday was a low day. I did start to crawl again but I didn’t like it. The first week of throat ulcer virus I had lots of thinking time which resulted in resolves about what I was going to achieve once I was better. Fiona Drane transformed would come out of this virus.
The first half of this week saw me and I must admit my husband wondering if Fiona Drane would ever appear again or just be some mildly drugged ghost who glided into view from time to time. Yesterday saw the guilt set in. I felt a bad mother, wife and colleague and felt like I had let people down left and centre and was very hard on myself.
And today? Well today is the 1st of March. I am a March baby as is my daughter! I love this month with its signs of new birth and new life. I always get excited on the first day of this month and even more so today as I am finally beginning to feel a wee bit better the throat ulcer is still with me but I am winning over it. So onwards and upwards for Fiona Drane taking small toddler steps of course!