I was going to call this blog piece “Weary with winter” but I felt that was very negative though in truth that is exactly how I am feeling just now. However with Spring round the corner I thought it would be better to title it Spring can’t come quick enough.
In truth I am always like this at this time of the year even as a child my favourite season is spring with its hope and start of new life. But I have never had a winter like this one when it has gone on and on. I am sick of dark mornings and nights. I am fed up with the colour grey in the sky and the feeling that I am living in perpetual gloom. I am fed up with de frosting the car. Totally tired of scarfs, gloves, hats and all other winter clothing. The last list is a normal one for me at this time of year. But I am also sick of the trials of this winter. Of roof bills, frozen pipes, car accidents for both of us and the feeling that any extra cash we do have is going to pay for the cost of the winter.
I don’t know whither it’s because the signs of spring are here with snowdrops and crocuses and primroses and even birdsong. But I have found myself this year so so weary with it all. Every day waking up to yet another grey day with rain pouring down. I want to see blue skies, blue sea and feel the heat of the sun on my back and be rid of all these issues that are weighing me down. Part of me would just like to step out of my world just for a minute and be on a beach called El Palmer in Southern Andalucia in the Costa de la Luz. I would be having an early morning walk and would have the beach to myself. Later in the day I would be here with the family but for now its just mine and mine alone. Later the sand would be too hot to stand on without shoes but just now its fine and I walk along its long expanse. To the rock at the end of the beach where I can sit and look over to the Atlantic and take in the bright blueness all around me. I meander slowly back I am in no hurry to a villa just by the beach where my son is already sitting playing with his Nintendo and the other two are sleeping. Breakfast is prepared, sleepy heads are woken up and we enjoy breakfast outside by the pool. Croissants and fresh fruit and orange juice and strong coffee. Before taking a book to the pool and spending the morning there reading, swimming and talking. By midday the heat is too intense and we retreat to a tapas bar for lunch. Garlic prawns, squid, Spanish potatoes are some of the ingredients on offer looking over the sea. Post lunch a siesta is in order before a trip to the beach where I sit and read another book and husband and kids build one of their super sand castles the envy of the beach. We meander home to one of my husband’s wonderful paella’s on the bar b-que as I read to the kids on the roof top looking over to the sea. Then once the kids go to bed my husband and I sit on the roof garden sip Cava and watch the sun go down …..A trip to Cadiz tomorrow……………….
Or a trip back to reality back to a Scottish winter which seems sometimes not just seasonal but the state of the current country. My mother reads my blog and has remarked that I use it as a way of sorting out my emotions. In this as in many things she is right. When I am down I walk but I also like to write. When I am happy I like to walk but I also like to write. At the moment I am feeling low and very weary and hoping that the walk and write cure will get me out of the winter blues.
Yet I know spring will come again and once more I will live outside rather than in most of the time. I will garden and swim by the Tweed and taste all the wonderful foods of spring and summer and I will be glad to be alive. For now my head is telling me to take a grip and look at the news. See what has happened in Christchurch and Libya and all the other things that are happening on the world stage. My head knows this but it’s not quite working for my heart just yet. But who knows maybe tomorrow I will wake up to a splendid spring morning the sky will be blue, the Eildons will be sparkling and the garden will be radiant. Till then I can always dream can’t I?