Feedback from my last blog from a Facebook friend was that she enjoyed the read but thought that I was too hard on myself. I smiled when I read her comment as she is so right and knew that my parents would agree with her 100%. I have been hard on myself all my life since I was a wee girl and known as Fiona Ross not Fiona Drane.
My poor parents used to despair I would work really hard at school exceed at something such as history but not take the credit for that no I would be too busy bashing myself about what I hadn’t done so well at. This continued all the way through my school years o’grades couldn’t say to myself well done for getting A’s in all the Art subjects I was good at too busy beating myself up that I had failed maths. Highers again didn’t give myself any credit for getting into University something I had wanted to do for along time to follow my dad and be the second family member to go to University. No I was too busy beating myself up that I hadn’t been able to get the grades for law and could only do History and Politics instead. Laughable now as my attention to detail is something I always have to work at and my husband who I met at Uni is a lawyer and his course compared to mine seemed boring and intense in the extreme.
Did it finish there? No it didn’t I beat myself up that I didn’t get a first or a 2:1. As my parents stood proud of me on graduation day I sat giving myself a hard time.
Then by dint of a miracle in the form of a friend who became our best man who suggested I apply for a job at the Scottish Tourist Board I found tourism and marketing. I discovered that I loved both and what’s more I was good at it. Did this stop myself giving myself a hard time?
Well yes and no. Yes in that having been told by one boss that I was clever and doing a good job I started to realise that I had skills and had found my niche. Marketing was my talent and I really enjoyed it.
But no because I still worry about taking on new projects untill I get into them and as another boss said I am a confidence player I need positive people around me who give me the confidence that I am doing a good job.
Which made me think about the comment this weekend from my Facebook friend. As some of you may know last week I spoke on marketing to a group of 60 plus businesses in Perth. I was very nervous and had quite a few moments of self-doubt before the event. However it went really well and the feedback I got from people listening was really great. People actually took notes on what I was saying I couldn’t belive it.
I have been reading in magazines recently of celebrities writing to their teenage selves and giving them some advice. I thought of turning this on its head and thought of what Fiona Ross would have thought struggling with maths, tearing her hair out at physics but with a dream that some day she would make something of her life. And I realised that Fiona Ross would be very proud of Fiona Drane and perhaps Fiona Drane should listen to her friend and not give herself such a hard time!